Wowza!

I went to the dentist twice yesterday. Haha. My brother had a wisdom tooth pulled and he was freaked out about going...and well...since I basically know everyone there on a first name basis, he wanted me to go with him. His appointment was at 2:00. My dentist told my brother that I'm one of her favorite patients. It made me blush. :D Then, Mark had an appointment at 4:00 and I had to go there and pick him up (he was dropped off by a friend). I'm beginning to think that perhaps the next time I go there, I should take a suitcase and begin my moving in. ;) All in all, it was an interesting day....as long as someone else is in the dentist chair, then I have nothing to complain about. Lol.

This works!

Alright....my two hours are up! I am no longer upset over the situation with the doctor's office. I will just continue to call them until I get lucky. Maybe tomorrow will be the day. :)

I learned a couple of years ago, that the only thing that kept me unhappy, was holding on to all the wrong-doing that I felt others did to me. I was soooo angry with everyone. But then I realized that the only person who was miserable because of all that pain, was me. I couldn't let it go, therefore, it affected everything I did, ate at me. I hated my jobs, hated others, hated my life. I finally saw the light...the only way I was ever going to be happy, was to...just...let...things...go. It was really hard at first, but then it started getting easier and I started feeling happier. Forgiveness is truly the best thing that someone can do for themself.

Now days, I try not to hold any grudges. I sulk, I vent, then I let things roll off my shoulders. Mark and I still argue occasionally, but I only let the anger fester for a couple of hours, then I go and apologize to him for the things I said. It has helped our marriage beyond measures and I feel at peace with myself for the first time in my life. And I'm really, truly, happy.I actually found a website that offers wonderful advice on forgiveness, and I recommend it to anyone who is having trouble with forgiveness of any sort. It's definately worth reading.

http://www.celebratelove.com/forgive.htm

Every day is a new day...a chance to start out fresh, with a new slate. Never put off doing today, what might haunt you tomorrow.

What the F#$% !?!

(Banging head on desk VERY hard!) I definately understand how so many people are dying during surgery, have the wrong leg operated on or removed, or are given the wrong medications...It seems like no one is compitent, yet they hold everyone's lives in their hands. :(

I am beginning to HATE my doctor's office. I get nothing but the run around every single time that I call and no two people there knows what's going on. My doctor seems smart enough, but his staff? Geeze...I wouldn't count on them to safely find their own way out the exit door in a fire (with a HUGE exit sign in bright neon colors flashing above it, with an arrow pointing downward). My doctor told me flat out that he was referring me to Loma Linda hospital and all we had to do, was wait on the approval from the insurance company. I get an approval back, but it isn't for Loma Linda, it was for a CT Scan and an ultrasound to be done at our local hospital. My doctor's assistant told me that I wouldn't be having the surgery down at Loma Linda after all, that it would have to be done locally, and in order to get that approved, I had to have the testing done first. O...K...so I go in to the hospital the day of the testing, and the receptionist needs a work order from my doctor. She calls them and they say that they didn't request for it to be done...that my other Physician did. I know for a fact that my Physician had no clue about it until I told her that the specialist was requesting it be done.

So the receptionist had to call my physician, which agreed with me that she did not request it. So back to the doctor's office she called. Now, they said yes they did request it, but the doctor wasn't in. An hour passes and he shows up. They told her that he had the work order signed, and that it needed to be done, because LOMA LINDA requested it to be done before they would even consider me for the surgery. HUH???? I was just told that I wasn't having it done there!!!

Anyways, the testing was done and that was that. Monday I called my doctor to see if the results were in. The woman on the phone told me that they were there, but that I had to wait for the doctor to come in, take a look at them, and then give me a call. What that really meant was that I would never hear from him and I'd end up having to call daily to try to get a response. I gave it two days! I haven't heard anything back from anyone, so I just called his office again. The girl told me that the results aren't back yet. ???????? At this point, I'm getting upset. I told her that they were in on Monday and I was only waiting for the doctor to take a look at them and then contact me. She pulls my chart and says "I'm sorry, but you have nothing in your chart". (Insert devil angry face here). So when I hung up, I told her that I'll be calling back tomorrow and every day after, to see if they're in.

His office staff has NO idea what the hell is going on. Where did he hire these people...straight out of Jr. High? No, scratch that! I know 13 and 14 year olds who have more common sense! Gosh, with their stupidity now, just imagine what it will be like in another 10 years, when todays youth are running the offices. I shutter at the thought! And my life is literally in this guy's hands. He can't even hire decent employees who have a shred of knowledge about what's going on in his patients lives.

Alright, taking my high blood pressure medicine right this minute, popping a couple of advil, and leaning my head against the wall. :(

Burrr....it's cold out there

It is freezing outside, and even as I sit inside with the heater blazing, my hands are cold. :( The wind just will not stop...damn Santa Ana winds!!!! We ended up seeing some snow falling yesterday, it just wasn't enough to stick to the ground. I'm glad naturally because I HATE snow. It's pretty from a distance, but I hate being in it. We get snow every couple of years, and I'm always the dud that stays inside and takes pictures of everyone else playing in it, from the doorway. Why people choose to go out and get soaked through, in the freezing cold, is beyond me. I like to stay dry and toasty. :)

I had to go to the dentist today. Ugh! I hate going to the dentist. I have horrible memories from when I was a child, and the dentist would threaten to tie me down. Not a very nice man! Although, I'm sure that I gave him plenty of hell. :D I love my dentist right now. She's really pretty, and she's Persian. But she is sooo nice, and it's nice to have a woman instead of a man, although the guy in there always tries to flirt with me. ;) You know you see the dentist too much when you walk in the door, and everyone says "Hi Sara" or asks you "How's Mark doing?" I plan to go even more in the future...I think I'm going to go in and have all the metal in my mouth taken out and switched to porceline. That should be fun.

Battle of the sexes

Ok, there is something totally sexy about a real man! I love men who are men, and aren't afraid to get dirty. Be it mechanics, construction workers, laborers, firemen, policemen, soldiers, the list goes on. What I absolutely can not stand is a prissy man! You know, those guys you see as check out clerks, bank tellers, and even worse...clothing store associates. Ok, ok, maybe when a guy is young and hasn't quite figured out that he's a man. But there is NO reason why a man should have a job that a woman would be better suited for. Yes, I know...women's lib and all that garbage. But women truly are the weaker sex. The truth is that there are just some jobs that a man is made for, and some jobs that are made for a woman.

For example, in my opinion, a woman has no place as a soldier. I know too many men soldiers that say they would go out of their way to protect their fellow female soldiers, even if it puts them in more danger. O...k...but if a woman is out fighting just like a man, then she should be treated as a man. She shouldn't get to miss PT in the mornings because she's got her period and cramping. Truthfully a woman soldier also shouldn't be allowed to get pregnant and take time off. Why are women given special privileges, when men who have the same job, are not? Not saying a woman can't be in the military (as a secretary, nurse or ?), I just don't think they should be on the battlefield. I also believe that a woman doesn't belong in construction either, unless it's at a desk. I've known men who have had to stop what they were doing, to help do something for a woman worker, that was too heavy or hard for her to do alone. It puts more strain on everyone and if she can't do the job she was assigned, then she shouldn't be there. Just like a man...why oh why are there women stockers in grocery stores, while men are at the register? Men were made with testosterone for a reason. And no...I don't agree with men staying home with the kids, while the woman works. If that's the case, both parents should be working!

I am soooooo glad that Mark has a manly job. I don't want to feel like I work harder than he does! We wouldn't have such a need for illegal workers, if men would get out of the feminine jobs and get dirty. Ok, off my soap box now.

Wind, wind, go away!

Wouldn't you know it? I'm having a good hair day and the wind is blowing really hard. :( Geeze. There's supposed to be a big storm coming in, but I never believe what the weather people say. If my town is on the news, then I know that we won't get any rain. If I don't see my town on the forecast, then I know to be leary. We have storm clouds over us, but they'll probably just blow right on through....the only good thing about all this wind. It's just one of those days where you want to cuddle inside, and watch a good movie....or spend your time online. :D I don't have much planned for this weekend, especially if the weather gets worse. Mark is playing his PS3...I swear...he has such a fun time on that. I've went to bed alone the past three nights because him and my brother were playing online. But at least he's enjoying his Christmas present. :)

Little escape artist

Ok, maybe she isn't all that little anymore! For the past week, Draco has been scratching non stop at her cage door. I kept telling Mark that she was trying to get out, and he said "Oh no, she's just bored." Yeah, she's bored alright, so bored, she's trying to get out! Anyways, a couple of days go by, and I notice that she's intent on scratching. I walk by her, and her sliding door was open about 2 inches. :O

I told Mark to put her lock on there, and he did...for a whole day. So then, yesterday I walk by her again, and notice that her door is open an inch. >_< Let's just say that Mark has the lock on there again! She's been loose in the house once, and it was a bitch to catch her. Plus, back then, she was a lot smaller and in a simple little cage. She's huge now, and she shouldn't be able to open this enclosure. If she got loose, she might eat our cats or bunny. :S

I'll say it again...anyone who says that animals don't think, plan or scheme, have never met any of my fur-kids! Here's the moster.....

Who does she think she is???

I just saw this on another blog, and I have to say that I am absolutely appauled by it!!! Just a little background...this woman belongs to a church of about 100 members, and they believe that anyone that is not a member of their church, is going to hell. One of her "11" children, recently stopped going to the church, and she said that he is no longer her child, and that he will also go to hell when he dies. She has videos on Youtube, where her and other members of her church, picket funerals of fallen soldiers, saying that they died because the US condones homosexuality. This is not about the sin of homosexuality, this is about hatred towards those who are different.

http://media.smh.com.au/?category=Breaking%20News&rid=34892

How can someone be so uncaring towards others, and say it's in the name of their religion? Yes, I do understand that if you believe in God's word, then homosexuality is wrong. I too, believe that it is against God to be homosexual. HOWEVER, I also believe that God is the only one who can see into someone's heart, and make the decision for himself, of whether someone is bound to go to "hell" or not. I mean seriously, I have several friends who are gay, and they are far better people, than a lot of the Christian people I've met. Who's to say that their love and kindness towards others, isn't just as, or more important to God, then the wrong-doings of his followers? Who someone loves, or who they sleep with, is no one's business. I could never live with myself knowing that I judged someone because of who they love.

In a way, we are all attracted to the same sex, even if it isn't sexually. What would make it so a woman says "She's really pretty", "I wish I looked like her" or "Gosh, what does he see in her"? (Men do it too, even if they don't admit it!) What is it about someone else, that makes it so we can say whether they're attractive or not? There's some kind of appeal there, same with the opposite sex. I can say "He's ugly" or "He's HOT!", without wanting to jump a guy's bones too. I think Carmen Electra, Angelina Jolie, Brian Walker, and David Beckham are all gorgeous people! But I think that natural red-headed people are the most unattractive people ever (sorry!). It doesn't make me gay, it's just what I'm attracted to.

I believe that God is the ONLY person who can pass judgement onto others. How can this woman condemn a person she knows nothing about, other than the fact that he was a "fornificator" and played a gay man in a movie? I too was a fornificator, as is a whole lot of people in the world. Do I feel that this one sin will damn me to hell, even though I've made it a point in life to help others in need, and to be the best person I can possibly be? I don't know. Only God knows if the good outweighs the bad. I can hope for eternal life and do the best that I can to try to reach it, but I can't will it to happen. Maybe that one sin is enough to damn me forever. No one really knows what their fate is, until they die. I'm certainly not going to say that I'm saved, if I haven't actually heard it from God himself.

I'm not really a religious person, in fact, I've always felt more spiritual than religious. But does that mean that I'm not worthy of God's promises? Not to preach, but as someone else recently said....God does not hate anyone. He may hate the acts, but does not hate the person. God "hates" fornication, but in the bible where the woman, many believe to be a prostitute, washed Jesus feet, he rebuked the man who ridiculed the act, and told her that her faith had saved her. No where does it say she is hated.

The woman who said such horrid things about Heath Ledger, and makes it a habit to picket people's funerals, should have more respect for the dead. God's main message to us, is to love our fellow man, even if he does not live a virtuous life. God tells us to pray for forgiveness for those who have not asked it for themselves. Why would he tell us to do that, if he had no compassion for those people? How someone can hate others and call them horrid names, and say it's in the name of their religion, completely dumbfounds me. She needs to seriously sit down and read her Bible, and the parts where it talks about forgiveness, acceptance, passing judgement, and love. :(

We are accountable only for ourselves, therefore, we should only worry about our own actions. If we ourselves, are not perfect...then how can we pass judgement onto others, who are also not perfect???

The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem

Well today is officially my second day of Medical Leave. So for those of you who have to work, I hope you enjoy this. :)

I love my job, I love my pay. I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best. I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my office and it's location. I even hate to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and grey, and piles of paper that grow each day.
I think my job is really swell. There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,I love their leers, jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and it's software. I hug it often though it won't care.
I love each program and every file. I'd love them more, if they worked a while.
I'm happy to be here. I am, I am. I'm the happiest slave at the firm, I am.
I love this work, I love the chores. I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job, I'll say it again. I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today, in clean white coats to take me away!!!

What a sad day :(

I am so sad to hear that Heath Ledger has died. I love Heath Ledger! I know we all have to go sometime, but Heath was way too young and had such a promising future. Not to mention he was hot! I guess if things don't go good with the surgery, then I'll make it a new found goal to find Heath in the afterlife. :)

I spent the WHOLE day in the hospital today. Geeze, I had an apointment for 9:00am, but due to my doctor not following procedures, and then the hospital having a CT Scanner down, I didn't get out of there until 4:30. I had to fast since 9:00 last night, and I was beyond thirsty by the time I got out of there. They did give me 2 bottles of NASTY chalky stuff to drink but I nearly threw it back up three different times. :{ My ultrasound went pretty well...it was my third one since the end of November, and the CT scan was pretty cool. It reminded me of Space Mountain at Disneyland, for some reason. The stuff that they run through your IV, is weird. I started feeling hot everywhere, but it made me feel so relaxed. If the stuff they give you before surgery is anything like that, then surgery should be a breeze. The doctor did have a really hard time finding a vein in my arm, so he had to do what all the others do, and had to put the IV in my hand. My first IV ever, and it HURT! He ended up going into a valve the first time, so he had to pull it out (owwie) and then put it back in, in another vein. Then I had to sit around for three hours with the IV in my hand, until they could get me into the room. Anyways, I found the whole thing exciting. Is that weird?

How's this for a new fashion statement???

Today was a blast

We took the horses over to Mojave Narrows today. It was wonderful, even though the wind was starting to pick up and it was a little nippy. We don't haul the horses very often, and they stressed a little, but they had a good time too. Lots to see!

We left home around 11:45, and got there a little before 1:00. Then we took them out of the trailer and they immediately drew attention from onlookers - both horses and humans. I nicknamed the big black "Diablo" because he bit Gideon. Mean thing! But man was he gorgeous.




We took the horses by the lake, met some children, and then ventured onto one of the trails that led into a forest of trees. We walked around, let the horses nibble here and there, met some riders who thought we were walking big dogs, visited an old house that had fallen [we teased my mom that she was lucky that it missed her when it landed :) ], then we headed back to the lake. We visited a small stream, saw some wildlife, then walked the horses over to meet some of the other park residents.











This big girl had a huge crush on my brother. She kept asking him for kisses. :)

Then the horses got to meet more of their kind...ponies.

This guy is one of the reasons that I wanted to get horses so badly, when I did. We went to visit him as much as possible...bringing carrots as a reward for being so nice. :) He's a stud, so he's off to the side, all by himself. Man, if only I could have fit him into the trailer too!


After a couple of hours, we loaded up and went to buy a bale of hay. Wow, for one bale of Orchard, I paid just a little over $19. :( Boy am I glad that I only have 2 little horses, and that this bale will last a couple of months. We finally made it back home and everyone is tuckered out. The horses were glad to be back and I couldn't wait to get on my comfy clothes.

Damn, I can't do it!!!

My brother bet me money that I wouldn't be able to do this...eat 6 saltine crackers in a minute. The farthest I got was to cracker 4. They're just soooo dry! It's nearly impossible to swallow them in that amount of time....I'm sure that most people can't do it, simple as it sounds. :( Oh well.....

Another one I've heard is, it is impossible to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon. Nope, can't be done. Anyone care to try??? :)

HAHA...groomer I am not!

I am ashamed to say this, but I went out and butchered Gideon's mane. Even WORSE than Zoey did. :( I knew I should have just left it alone, but Nooooo, I had to go out with the scissors. I have this really bad habit with being a perfectionist, if I break one nail, I have to cut them all to the same length. Well I guess it's the same with hair too. I saw the horses tails after they chewed them off, and I had to even em' out. Gideon's mane has been bugging me for the past couple of days, so I had to go out and even it out. Before I knew it, I evened it out waaaaay tooooo much. Poor little guy.....he even looks embarrassed.

I guess it could be worse, last time I gave him a mohawk because he had rubbed out one little patch.

Maybe I should hold off on taking them anywhere.......

Ah poop!

Ok, only people with horses will understand where I'm coming from, in this entry. Seeing poop is a good thing! It is every horse owners worst fear, to have their horse stop having manure piles. A pooping horse is a healthy horse.

Well I just found out that the same is true for rabbits. Willow is just now, after a week, starting to have normal poop again. He has been constipated, I think because it's been cold and he hasn't been drinking as much. Rabbits are supposed to eat all sorts of veggies, but for some reason, Willow is picky. He only samples things, then leaves them unless it is a yogurt treat, green grass (which is scarce this time of year) or Cool Ranch Doritos. Well, I could tell he had a tummy ache by the way he was acting, but nothing we did seemed to work. He started getting to the point where anorexia was setting in, and he didn't poop very much at all. We forced fluid into him (have you ever tried to hold a rabbit down???) and finally we have normal piles of poop today. Hopefully this is a turning point and means that he'll be getting back to normal again. (I'd sure like to take the horses out this weekend.)

Weird topic I know, but I'm just so happy that he's feeling better. :)

I'm engaged :)

Mark came home yesterday with a big smile on his face. I knew something was going on. He walks up by me and says I need to ask you something. I said, "O...K...", having no idea what he wanted (he always wants something when he acts boyish). He got down on one knee and said, "If I asked you to marry me again, would you?" I looked at him and said, "Not until next year" and smiled. He then slipped this on my finger.....

Isn't it cute??? It's a mood ring and I seem to inspire green, blue and purple alot. But don't ask me what they mean! I thought he was very sweet, even if I can't remarry him just yet. You see, Mark and I have it all planned out...we got married on our fifth year anniversary, and truthfully, we did it the best way we could think of, to accommodate our friends and family. But we decided long ago, that every five years that we're together, we'll re-do our wedding vows wherever we weren't able to do it the first time. So far, we've decided to do it at Disneyland (possibly the next time we say our vows), on Catalina Island (by the beach), maybe on a cruise ship, in the mountains, and then eventually we'll do what everyone else does and get hitched in Vegas. We're only a little over a year away before we go back to the alter. :)

Those eager beavers!!!

I finally understand why it is that I've never wanted to have children! I truly believe that I would be cursed with kids who were out to defy me. For example, I have a cat from hell....(yes literally! I believe that he was sent from Satan himself, to wreak havic on me)...and my horses are hellbent on making my life just that...Hell! It would not be a normal day for them, if they didn't find something to destroy. They have ate their way through the wood on their shed, fence posts and run-in, have broke plastic off of 3 different water buckets, ate rubber off a hose, pulled metal flashing from the wood it was protecting, broke/ate a plastic brush, and now they won't stop eating each others mane/tails. I'm ripping my hair out as I write! They are like kids who refuse to keep their hands out of the cookie jar, no matter how many times you swat them away.

I've taken nearly every precaution I could to make it so they can't destroy anything else, but they always find something new. :( Just Tuesday, I was commenting how gorgeous Gideon's mane is growing back. (He's not fat, he's just fluffy!)

They must have overheard me because I went outside yesterday, and Zoey had chewed a lot of it off. :{

They used to have such beautiful long tails too, but then I guess they decided to stand around chewing at each others' butts. I had to give them both a cute little bob cut.


Awe man, I shutter to think what they'll think of next. I have haybags ready to put out for them, but I'm scared they'll eat their way through them too. Horses are not dumb animals! Who ever said animals didn't think, plan or scheme, have never met any of my furkids. But I still love them to death...even if they are taking me to the brink of madness. :)

Honesty?

I see it way too often...everyone says they want to see more of it in the opposite sex, in friends, in their jobs, in the government/politics...

But the truth is, not many people can handle the truth. That's why we lie to others and tell them that we love their new clothes, they look great with their new hair style, that their spouse is in the wrong...it would hurt others if we told them our true feelings in a lot of cases.

Hell, I'm the first one to admit it...I don't want people to lie to me, to spare my feelings. If I ask for an opinion or I vent to someone about my problems, I want them to tell me what they think "honestly". I love and admire when someone is honest. If my ass looks fat in my new jeans, I want Mark to tell me. Better that, then to go out in public thinking I'm the shit, and people are laughing at me. It just so happens that everything makes my ass look fat, so if Mark tells me "no", I know he's lying. :P

What good do lies do? If I can't tell my spouse, friend or family member my opinion, then something is wrong. I don't feel like I should have to walk on eggshells with those I love, to spare their feelings, so they don't think I'm saying something out of spite. Yes there is a nice way of being honest, but 9 out of 10 times, even saying it in the nicest terms will offend someone, if they don't agree. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has them. It doesn't mean that they are right or wrong, they just are what they are. If someone is bitching to me about something or looks hideous in their new clothes, I'm going to tell them my take on it. I'm not putting a gun to their head and telling them to follow it or else.

I've always been the friend that others come to, to confide in. They know I love them, I'll be honest with them and help them the best I can. I just get so irritated by those that say they want people to be more honest, yet they themselves, can't handle that honesty. Could we all live our happy little lives, if the politians started being 100% honest with us? And what is it with those who can be brutally honest with you, not caring if they leave scars in their wake, but the second you return the favor, they get upset? Honesty works both ways!

Moral of my ranting...if you want honesty, you have to take the good with the bad! Not everyone is going to see things the way you do. And be careful what you wish for, because one of these days, you may end up coming across someone who is brutally honest.

Once you go black, you never go back!

I've been trying to decide whether or not I should cut my hair and dye it black. I've wanted this one haircut since I was in 10th grade, but I'm a chicken at heart. I did attempt to temperarily dye my hair black once, but the results were quite colorful. I had blondish highlights in my hair at the time, and I was so excited that I failed to read the warning on the product box. First day was perfect....had gorgeous black hair. Second day, the black started fading to a deep purple. From there, my hair went through a variety of odd colors ranging from dark red, to orangish, and finally to that slimy green color you get from a chlorined pool. Man it was aweful. I swear that green stayed with me for over two months....and this was all while I was in my Sophomore year in high school. Everyone kept asking if I did my hair like that on purpose. (rolling eyes) Awww...memories.

After that experience, I decided to go blonde. I got pretty darn blonde too, I almost put Pamela Anderson to shame. (winks) I was a bleached blonde for over 4 years and it did horrible damage to my hair. :( But then I decided that I wanted to go back to my natural color and I've loved it. It's taken me almost 4 years to grow it all out again (I have loooong hair) but you can only see a smidge of blonde at the tips now. I cut off about 4 inches a couple of weeks ago, and I love the shorter hair. BUT I'm scared to take it as short as I want it. If I ever do go that short, then dying it black will be inevitable. My family talked me into buying a wig, to see if I'd like the hair style/color on myself, and truthfully I love it. The only problem is, I LOVE change, and I know that if I cut it, it would only be a matter of time till I wanted it long and natural again. But at least I know what I'd look like with it short and black. :) What do you guys think?

A day of destiny

Have you ever had one of those days, that made you realize that perhaps we really are destined to be exactly where we are, at that point in our life? I get them often, and it makes it all the more real feeling that we are on a road of destiny, and we really don't have all that much control over our lives.

Yesterday for example, I was running low on gas. I had a bunch of $1 bills in my purse and since I HATE having to count them out for people, I decided to try to make it to work and back, on what little gas I had. HA! Big mistake. By the time I made it to work, I knew I would never have enough to get me back home, and then to a gas station later after Mark came home with the big Mooh-la. Out of nowhere, 20 minutes before I got off work, one of the students asked me if I had change for a $10 bill. I never get asked if I have change. I told him that I had "ones", and he said that's what he needed. He made my day! I was able to hand over that nice $10 when I got to the gas station. :)

I've had many coincidental things like that happen to me, it almost makes me wonder if I have an angel looking out for me, or if I'm just lucky. Back when I was working at Fort Irwin, I had a tire that went flat on me two days in a row. The first day, we thought it was a fluke and filled it back up. Next day, we knew something was wrong with it. Mark ended up taking the car to his work, and had one of the guys look at the tire. There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. But the tire on the opposite side was so bald, that the metal was breaking off. No one could understand how I hadn't had a blow out yet. After that tire was replaced, the one that kept going flat, stopped going flat. I used it another 6 months before it had to be replaced. Weird. Then this other time, I was going to work at 5 in the morning and out of nowhere, this dog appeared in the road. The road to Fort Irwin is in the desert, and there's never any dogs near it. Anyways, I saw the dog and just barely slowed down. It left the road and I could tell that none of the other cars around me slowed down. About 5 minutes later, I had a car passing me in the passing lane as another car was driving straight toward it. There wasn't any time to even tap the brake but somehow the driver passing me had JUST enough room to slide in front of me before we were all involved in a head on collision. It was a matter of seconds and I often wonder, if that dog was there to slow me down just a little, so I wouldn't be involved in an accident. And the night that my brother was involved in his accident, Mark and I were right down the road when my mom called me in hysterics. As soon as I asked her where it happened, Mark said "I see it". Sure enough, it was about 2 blocks up from us and we beat the medical units there. We were meant to be at that exact spot when we got the call, so that we could get up there and stress to my mom that Marcus was alright.

And we can't forget the times when Mark and I were spared seeing a death. One night a little after 6, we were going to get gas. We always got it at a truckstop on the outside of town. For some weird reason unbeknownst to me, I told him that we should go see what prices were like at the other side of town (first time ever that I had suggested it). At about 6:15, the police were called to the truckstop where we get our gas because a woman's body had been found there. And to make it even weirder, before I got the horses, I used to go to Mojave Narrows every other weekend, to spend the day with the horses they have there. This one weekend, we were about 5 minutes from Mojave Narrows, and I told Mark that I didn't want to go...that I just wanted to come home. We found out later that day, that someone drowned that afternoon in the lake. So let that be a lesson to you all....always follow your gut feeling because it's there for a reason. I guess the thing that trips me out the most is when I got my filly. I had been looking at horses for over a month, but since I knew what I wanted, I was being picky. I was already talking about when I get my horse "Zoey", I wanted to do this and that with her. Finally I found the perfect little filly. The first email I received from Zoey's owner, was just telling me that she thinks she had what I was looking for and giving me a little information/pics. I had an odd feeling about this little girl, so I sent her back an email saying yes I wanted her and I'd gladly put down a deposit to hold her until she was weaned. In the second email that I received, at the very end of the email, she said "By the way, her name is Zoey". I was dumbfounded. I had never mentioned to her that that was the exact name I was going to give to her. Later on, I found out that the woman's daughter had named Zoey the day she was born, because she looked like a "Zoey". Destiny???

Anyways, I guess at this point, I feel that we all have our destinys and whatever happens, is meant to happen. I found out last night that I'll be going on medical leave beginning next week. Too many days off sick and for appointments, my doctor felt sorry for me. :P So for the next month, I'll be trying to relax some and praying that they hurry with the surgery (then I'm out for an additonal 2 months).

To diet or not to diet?

So I'm trying yet again to lose some weight. Ugh! I was doing really good but then with the holidays and all the stress lately, I've regained my friendship with food. :( Now to get back in the swing of things. So which diet is best? Everyone claims that this one is better than that one, or that doing "this" is not good, while doing "that" is. Fooey! I've done them all and let me tell you, the best ones that work for me are the so-called bad ones. Who can lose weight eating three meals a day with 2 snacks? I eat nothing but chicken and veggies, and I still gain weight because that's more food in my stomach than it's used to. Now eating once a day, milk for breakfast and lunch, and a normal dinner works wonders, as long as I can stick to it. I sooooo lack motivation! I think they should make a pill that makes all food taste bad, then maybe that would help people like me. :)

So that's my new challenge...it would have been a breeze but I just found out how yummy Quizno's is. Hmmm.....I wonder if they have the same slogan as Subway...."Eat Subway daily and still lose weight". Something maybe worth looking into. :) Till next time.....

Oh well

We didn't get to take the horses over to Mojave Narrows today because Willow isn't out of the woods just yet. When one of the fur-kids is sick, we make a special point to spend time with them and monitor them closely. Poor little guy! I hate the fact that animals can't talk, I always feel guilty and frustrated with not knowing exactly whats going on. :( He's still humping everything in sight, so I know he isn't "that" bad just yet.

Our foster kitty isn't doing so great either. We took in a little stray guy who was on the verge of death. He is really small for his age...he's about 8 months old, but is the size of a 3 months old kitten. He's been occupying our bathtub for the past month, and I just don't think he's going to end up pulling through. I think he has some serious internal problems, and he sways whenever he tries to stand up. But I don't believe in euthanizing animals, and I couldn't just leave him out in the cold to freeze to death (he has literally no body fat). He's a good eater, I just don't think it's enough in his case. Either way, he'll have a warm place and full stomach, to recover or pass on. This is him next to his brother, on his right.



Ick, tomorrow's back to work. :( I can imagine my boss isn't too happy that I've had to miss 6 out of 15 days so far. Gotta try to get my doctor to put me on medical leave, but since we're not sure when the surgery will be, it's a little early for them to excuse me from work. Maybe soon though. Haven't done much today, except have Marcus over and played some Wii. I did watch "Good Luck Chuck" last night. OMG, that movie is sooo funny. Why some people didn't like it is beyond me. Lack of a sense of humor I guess. I got a good laugh anyways. :)

I'm Back!

Well yesterday, I wasn't able to get online because I was in pain and couldn't crawl over here. Called in sick from work and spent the WHOLE day in bed. It wasn't so bad though...I got to read a good book. I've never read Kay Hooper before, I'm a devoted Iris Johansen fan, but this Kay book revolves around an Iris Johansen book (a sequel if you will), so it's alright. :) She's actually a really good author....she's just not Iris. :D

I was also on bunny watch. Willow hasn't been feeling all that well the past couple of days. He's considered a senior rabbit now, so his age worries me when he doesn't act quite like himself. And unfortunately for me, I have to guess at whats bothering him because I can't take him to the vets (he gets extremely paranoid in cars and I'm afraid he'll give himself a bunny-heart attack). But I think we're over the worst, at least I hope we are. I think he actually likes being sick, besides the discomfort, because he gets spoiled rotten. Awe, ain't he a cutie?



Geeze, ever wonder how you can be married to such a smart ass? I have this really bad habit of saying "Hell if I know". Well today I gave Mark my famous line and he comes back with..."The Helifino resides only in Barstow and is an amazing site to see....it's half elephant and half rhino." (Rolling eyes!) He always has some good comeback....but he truly is the sweetest person. Since I wasn't feeling great yesterday, he called me up from work and told me that we could take the horses over to Mojave Narrows this weekend, if I want. I've been bugging him about it for the past two weeks, and he said he'd rather wait until springtime when the horses are clipped. But he said that we could do it, so that it would brighten my day. :) Gotta love him! I have fond memories of going fishing at Mojave Narrows with Wilma and her family, when I was little. I can't wait to take the horses, so they can interact with the other horses there. Wait a minute...what's wrong with being fuzzy? I think they're kinda cute!!!

Oh hum...

Well it's official! I went back to the doctor's today and I'll be going in for surgery sometime in the near future. :( I've never had surgery before, so I'm totally paranoid. Especially since it's a pretty big surgery. I guess my biggest fear is that I'll end up dying on the operating table, as so many people are doing lately. I mean seriously...if I'm allergic to the anestesia, then it will be a little too late by the time they find out. :O And my second biggest fear is that I'll get a bad infection afterward. I'm a big enough baby as it is!

I have found out that the interent is a life saver and pretty muchly the only thing that is keeping me sane right now! I have been able to research the procedure, and talk to many new friends that have also had the same experiences as I have. It makes it so I don't feel so alone. It's times like this when I truly value my close family members and the friends I've made via the web.

The worst part is, that since this is the only thing I can think about lately, I guess it has started affecting my dreams too. I had a dream last night that Mark died in the dentist's chair. As funny as that may sound, it made me extremely sad to glimpse even a small feeling of what it would be like to lose him. I can't imagine how he feels, when I mention that I could very well be dying in the near future. And I won't touch how my mom and brother feel. The are constantly reminding me of how freaked out and scared they are. I only wish that I could share with them, the true fear I have, instead of having to play it off that everything will happen the way it should. Seriously, when you start realizing that you can very well be in the final days of your life, it makes you stop and think about everything that is important to you. I often wonder how my family and Mark would get by, if something does happen to me, although I pray that I come through this with flying colors. :)

Anyways, the doctor I went to today has doubts and doesn't even want to touch my surgery, so he's referring me to someone in Loma Linda. I guess that's a good thing because Loma Linda is known to be one of the best hospitals in Southern California, and if they can't save me, no one can. Better to take my chances there, then in my tiny little town. :)

I'm finding that I truly like being able to write my thoughts here. It's quite therapeudic. I hope that tomorrow's post will be more postive. On a brighter note, I did get to play hooky today from work. :)

Can people really change?

I've been thinking about that question a lot lately. It seems like the obvious answer would be no, but if you really take a look at those around you, you might be surprised. I know that I've changed over the years...and my husband has changed a lot too. He's not the same person that I started dating all those years ago, or even the man I married for that matter. Everybody changes to some degree, it's called life. But I guess whether or not one's changes are drastic or barely visible is what counts for or against them. We tend to think that those who hurt us, will never change.

What in us, makes it so we don't want to accept that others can change? It's human nature to not trust those who have hurt or betrayed us in some way. But does that mean that the person didn't learn a painful lesson? Or that with time, they may realize that what they did or who they are, is wrong? People grow up...the things that once mattered to them, lose their importance. Other things begin to become more important. Are we to be condemned for our actions, for a lifetime? Then again, people don't only change for the better, I'm sure we all know people who have changed for the worst.

Maybe the fact of whether people can change is based on the individual and the things that impact their lives? And maybe, it also has to do with our own capabilities to forgive and look for that change in others?

First entry

Wow! My very first Blog!

I'll try to post here daily...maybe this will become my mini diary, viewable to the world. Lol. That way you can all get a clue to what makes me tick. :)

So enjoy!