Lost Feelings

When I was a teenager, I wrote poetry as a way of expressing myself. I had a hard time telling others how I felt, and when I wrote, it was like my heart was lifting from the weight that had been placed on the paper. My poems meant everything to me, because they were what made me...me. I had two small books, which contained 203 finished poems, and ideas for lots of other ones. During our last move, I misplaced these two books, and I have spent the past 6 years trying to find them. I have flipped my house upside down, and searched my shed from top to bottom, just to come up empty handed. I called my mom last night nearly crying because I wanted to find these books before I go in for surgery. I've already searched through her closet too, and we were going to start in her shed this weekend.

Don't ask me what it was, but something inside ended up telling me to check Mark's closet again (it's a small closet). There are only 3 boxes in there, and Mark and I have both searched in there at least twice over the years. Well the first box I bent into, had my books right there on top. It was the wierdest thing, and Mark couldn't even understand how they were there and never seen. So now, I have my books. I spent an hour reading through my lost poems, and I have to say that while I was only 16/17 when I wrote these, I did a good job at displaying my heart. It brought back a lot of my old feelings, some good, some bad, and put me right back where I was when I wrote them so long ago.

I've decided that I may start sharing some of them on my blog. Those were my darkest years, where I felt the most lost. But they were also the years that made me realize the kind of person I was going to become. I think I was actually more intuned to others around me back then, and things impacted me more strongly. I was able to hear a story, and visualize myself in it, and how I would feel. I learned through those years that life is not black and white, but full of gray shadowing and maybe even some rainbow colors if you could find them. I'm sure that you will all understand that some of the poems are too personal to share, but I promise to look for those that should still keep you reading. :) Who knows, maybe in time, I'll start writing again...but for now, this blog offers me a way to express myself, and as long as it comes out somehow, then I'm perfectly content. :)

So stay tuned...