This is going to get a little personal

Ok, so I've been sitting here thinking about my friend cheating on her husband, and it got me to thinking. What exactly is marriage? Is it truly a special unity between two people that signifies an undying love for each other...or is it a temperary, impulsive moment of insanity?

Who's to say that you're still going to love your spouse in, oh say, 10 years? Who's to say that what you feel now, will be what you feel forever? And who's to say that you won't fall in and out of love with others throughout the years? Love is an easy thing to come by, even if you're not looking for it. There is NO WAY that you can work around the opposite sex day after day, and not start to get feelings for someone. It's impossible, no matter how much you love your wife or husband, and it doesn't necessarily mean you want to leave the person you're with. But feelings do happen beyond our control.

It finally hit me how "long-term" marriage is actually supposed to be. I love Mark with all of my heart now, but how can I say that I won't meet someone else along the way...or that he won't? A life is a really long thing (hopefully) and to make a vow one moment that will last the rest of it, is a really unfair thing to do. Maybe I'm just being pissy because Mark and I are at odds...but it does open your eyes up to a whole new world.

I realized that Mark too, is only 80% of what I want. Ok, we'll make it 90%. I still, after almost 9 1/2 years, feel a void in our relationship. I have never felt "magic" there. Never! I have always had love and friendship, but I have never had "excitement" or "sparks". I've always said that I love Mark, but I'm not in love with him. Sometimes, I have to step back and realize that I will never feel "magic" with Mark, and it's hard because that means that I will never feel it, period. I wonder if that's what a lot of other couples feel towards their mates, and if that lack of magic, is what leads one to cheat. But that's not necessarily something you go around asking married couples, or they volunteer.

I've always heard that phrase "Walk a mile in my shoes" but truthfully, that never applied towards anyone who cheated. They were always in the wrong, plain and simple. But now, I can sort of understand the reasoning behind it. It's not to say that you don't love the person you're with, but maybe you're lacking something there that doesn't make you feel complete. Then you stupidly try to find it with someone else, so that you feel whole again. (Did I basically describe what you were trying to tell me last night?)

I'm not saying it's right, but maybe it's not just a black and white issue either. I'm finding that there can be so many things that lead to cheating, and being a dog, isn't necessarily the only one. Lol. I do feel sort of bad for people who feel a void. How can you give up a life with someone who you love, when you're only trying to replace something missing in it? Most of the time, I don't even feel married to Mark. We just feel like best friends. Like so many other couples, I wonder why the flame has to die down? And how can we keep it burning so that it doesn't die out?