Empty nest syndrome

Well, things didn't turn out great with the kittens. Try as I did, I just couldn't make things work. I don't think I was experienced enough to raise newborns, and I fear that I might have been over feeding them. By Friday, all three had developed diarrhea and I couldn't get it to stop. I decided on Saterday that I needed to hand them over to a rescue because they were losing weight. I called and she couldn't take them till Sunday morning. Went to bed Saterday night and all three were doing fine. They started crying at 2 am, and when I went in to check, the little black one wasn't doing great. I woke Mark up and had him make me some sugar water and shortly after giving it to the little guy, he perked back up a little. The other two were fine, but they all seemed cold so I turned the heating pad up. At three, one of them was crying, so I got back up (after just lying down) and the little black and white one was pretty muchly lifeless. But he was really warm. I gave sugar water to him too, and sat rubbing him for a little bit. Then he began to come around again. But I swear he knew something was wrong because he wanted to be held the remainder of the night. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I took my pillows and a blanket to the couch and laid them right next to me. I read my book for the remainder of the night, until around 5:30 when I dosed off. Not even 40 mintues later, the one who almost died started crying again, so I ended up holding it the rest of the morning. At 8:45, I sadly said goodbye to them and watched Mark drive away. :(

I feel really bad because the woman who took them is already hand raising 18 other kittens. But I just couldnt' sit and watch these ones die. I tried everything, spacing out feedings, giving pedilyte, and kayopectate. Nothing worked, so obviously I wasn't doing something else right. I did give the lady $100 to take the three of them though, so I think that sweetened the deal for her some. I know she could use the money for the animals she has, and I greatly appreciated her taking them. But now, I feel lonely and I keep listening to see if I can hear them cry. I tried not to become attached, but I think I was, from the moment I touched them.